Life lately has been quick sand, fast and a bit constricting. Struggling out seems to sink the toes further into the current mistakes or rather into the painful constriction of growth and awakening. Really it is best if I find calm on the inside and wait patiently for a thrown rope–then maybe the pulling can begin?
Choosing to be a full-time mom has made large holes in my resume and hampered hope for career prospects–setback. Choosing to move to away to different state for a myriad of reasons means an empty money-sucking house in a slow real estate market–set back. Choosing to eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (when I really, really know a green shake would do me better)–stupid choice. Not knowing what to do next–I’m going to just take a sit back on that one. I could keep fighting it all–grab a Zig Ziglar book and change my attitude to soar to new altitudes. But really what I need now is to sit back very quietly in my quicksand and listen. The roar of the world is so loud it drowns out so much (sometimes I think it drowns out the essence of life in someways), but if I am very still I can hear my heart beat, feel the air around me, and understand soulfully what I need to do to have a rope come my way. I may not like the clarity I find. That might be why I let the roar deafen me from hearing truth–truth is harder than all the illusions we perceive in that loud outside world. Truth, however, is the lifeline that drags us upward towards a place where we can step forward and do what we need to do. So I’m going to sit back and be still. Sit back and wait in the quiet for resounding truth.